Saturday, December 7, 2013

I Didn't Belong

I was an outed sorority woman. I came out to my pledge class about a month into the recruitment process, called pledging. I was crying, and everyone stayed silent. I asked if I could leave, because I didn’t want to stand there while everyone was staring at me. I felt they were judging me. As I was walking out of the room, I heard one girl call out, “ You’re still my sister!” After those words were said, everyone started clapping.  I thought they were fine with me, and who I am…


Winter formal came up, and I knew not everyone was ok with my sexuality. People had been whispering around me, while others had continued making ‘that’s so gay jokes.’ I made it known that I was feeling out-casted, and things were getting strange. People were being stand-off-ish, and I knew if I went to formal with my friend, also female, people would judge and act horribly toward us. My friend thought that was a lie, and I was acting childish…


The dance came up, and right away my friend knew if anything, I was under exaggerating. No one bothered asking if we were dating, but just assumed.  By the end of the night, multiple men had attempted to dance with the both of us, asking if we would dance and then some; but the worst of it was, someone started a fight with my friend. My friend did nothing wrong, just stood there and spoke in an even voice to calm the girl down. The girl continued to shove my friend, yelling and calling her names. All the guys who came to the dance saw this and asked my supposed sister to calm down, telling me my friend is doing the right thing. My other  ‘sisters’ just came up to me and screamed to get my date under-control; my girlfriend is crazy and going to hurt someone;  I shouldn’t have come because they all knew I was going to start something. I started crying, begging my friend to leave with me. She finally agreed upon seeing my tears.

Although I had fun in the sorority, I never really felt like I belonged. The lesbian mommy jokes never quit. In the end I dropped, although there was some financial problems on my end, I feel that a major reason was because I know I didn't belong, and my 'sisters' made it a point to show that I didn't belong.

-Abi

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